The Prints of Darkness

Peter Mandelson's political memoirs, The Third Man, are shining a torch on to the divisions between Gordon Brown and Tony Blair when in government as New Labour, especially over the inference that Blair promised to hand over prime-ministerial power to Brown in 2003.

But whatever happened to Chatham House Rules? When is it a good time to publish political autobiographies? The best option is immediately after a general election loss, despite the risk of short-term damage. In this case, any furore will have died down by the September party conference, when a new leader will be chosen.

Presumably Lord Mandelson must feel his front-bench career is over to be quite so candid. Whether this is a wise decision or not will become clear in the next few years as the coalition will live or die by the outcomes of their draconian policies.


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Anglo-Saxon attitudes

More news on the profanity front (see Wither the watershed?)

The Brazilian officials for England's forthcoming World Cup game against the USA have been swotting up on twenty English-language swear words so they can understand the invective that will be coming their way.

What's the betting an Englishman or two will be booked (at least) for sharing their opinions on Saturday lunchtime? Not very long odds, I fear.

But at least Mary Whitehouse can thank FIFA's alleged initiative for slowing down her tomb revolutions.

No thanks to David Mellor, former Tory Cabinet minister and soccer pundit, whose recent fruity ranting is another kettle of fish entirely ...


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Wither the watershed?

Mary Whitehouse is probably spinning furiously in the proverbial at the publication of the latest research from Ofcom.

The British public are apparently relaxed about swearing on television, the culprits even being lauded as role models. Gordon Ramsay has changed the 'bounds of acceptability' almost single-handedly, but his moment will surely pass eventually.

There must still be boundaries, though. Children's programming should be ring-fenced, but where is the limit of protection?

Would Doctor Who ever be profane? Would Radio 1 condone cursing rather than simply tolerate it? Would The X Factor ever entertain bad language?

No ... perhaps. Language limits are always on the move. Eventually people will get bored of excessive swearing, and the expletives will either disappear or youth culture will invent a new rude toolkit of words with which to frighten the media horses.


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Pentecostal muscle: a hip-hop career launched?

Scorchio day: made for lazing around, sunbathing, swimming, seeing off local vicar to pastures new with hog-roast buffet and the help of the BBC's Songs of Praise, and introducing a new performer to national consciousness: Forgive, known in civilian life as Toby Butler.

Performing the topical track, 'Straight Fire', for a live broadcast from All Saints, Peckham, Forgive is soon to hippety-hop into a professional career as a musician in a niche market: UK Christian rap. In a world of rampant illicit downloads, tanking niche distributors and retailers (e.g. STL, now under new ownership; Wesley Owen), difficulty in standing out to mass audiences through the white noise of the internet, and shrinking offline media platforms for original music material, how does a new artist like Forgive make a mark on the culture?

• Set up a bespoke website: check;
• Launch a record label: check;
• Write loads of material: check, launch of debut album, Straight Fire, in August 2010;
• Develop a viral marketing strategy: check, stealth-bomb blogs with relevant copy, upload videos to YouTube, plug review copy on relevant platforms (e,g. forthcoming Cross Rhythms feature), decent SEO plan to get 'Forgive' as top rank, say, for 'UK Christian hip-hop' Google search terms;
• Get radio airplay: check, future niche domination of the likes of UCB Radio and Premier Christian Radio; tomorrow promotion via the likes of the Tom Robinson Introducing 6 Music show of bands without corporate contracts;
• Grow a loyal fan base: check, local gigs supplemented by national tours to local churches and festivals;
• Become a rapper-in-residence: react to relevant events with slam poetry like a hip-hop version of Carol Ann Duffy;
• Reclaim rap for positive messages: check, role model status brings private and public responsibilities (Toby is married to Hannah);
• Name-check merchandise à la Taio Cruz (viz: Rokstarr sunglasses): check today's chapter and verse; tomorrow the hip-hop Bible to retrieve the hype from KRS-One's megalomania? (Well, if it can be translated into Klingon, anything's possible);
• Investigate new markets: check, develop relationships with relevant international websites (e.g. urban churches, rap blogs and websites), make sure viral marketing messages are not exclusively UK-centric. 

While the field is narrow, talent one hopes will out. Hopefully Forgive will not be forgetten in a hurry: he might even get name-checked in Rapzilla's next video roll-call ...


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A word for the very wise

All Souls College, Oxford has abandoned its single-word essay examination.

Termination. Discuss.

Or not, from this year onwards.


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We're all in this together: too right we are

Invitation to join the Government of Britain, eh?

Shades of Neil Kinnock's roar at Labour's Sheffield rally in 1992? The Conservative party manifesto sounds at first glance a bit triumphalist -- and 118 pages in a hardback format looks a bit reactionary.

Does anyone actually want the extra responsibility of voting in new police officers, sacking incompetent teachers, running schools, or firing the local MP? One top of doing your own job? The only people with the time or inclination to do this will be rich socialites with right-wing agendas. And who decides the criteria with which standards can be judged?

It's a dog's breakfast or, misquoting Gerald Kaufman, it might just be the longest political suicide note in history. And the best of it is, the Tories don't yet suspect a thing.


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For five dollars more ...

I'm offering a new service to people needing ideas for titles or slogans for personal or business projects. I've signed up to Fiverr.com providing copywriting solutions for potential clients.

This seems like a great idea for growing new ideas and, perhaps, business ventures. Maybe there is some talent you would like to express that you haven't had the chance to air? For the fee of $5, you can learn on the job to some extent, as clients won't begrudge blowing such a small amount on commissioned work. And some interesting contacts might be made.


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Beyond the book

When is an e-book not an e-book? Possibly when its enhanced with video, audio, music and social media networking possibilities.

In the red corner, publishers say added extra to electronic texts are publishing rights; in the blue corner, agents claim enhanced e-books are a new medium that may best be sold to film companies or record labels.

Who said media convergence would run smoothly?

Maybe Canongate Books have got it right: they are apparently negotiating enhanced e-book rights on a title by title basis.

Illustrated-book contracts may also shine light on the subject, rather than heat it up: the royalty split between illustrator and author often depends on the importance of the respective art in any given project.

So picture-book contracts are weighted towards illustrators, whereas illustrated fiction titles are titled towards authors, with partnerships like Roald Dahl/Quentin Blake split more evenly.

The Death of Bunny Munro: A Novel (Hardcover)

And the Oscar goes to ... The Wounded Cabinet

The Hurt Locker may have won oodles of Oscars, but the title makes no sense across this side of the pond.

What exactly is a 'hurt locker'? An injured key? An incapacitated canal-worker? An emotional gaoler?

Apparently it is an American-English phrase meaning a place of pain, which I guess sums up being a bomb-disposal expert on any front line, not just Afghanistan and Iraq.

Gone and soon forgotten

It's not just creatures that become extinct, languages die too. Boa Sr, the last person fluent in the Bo language of the Andaman Islands, has died, taking with her -- believe it or not -- a verbal cultural history spanning 65,000 years of human existence.

Maybe languages need their own version of the IUCN Red List of threatened species to promote the transcribing of endangered mother tongues. Culture is the poorer for the dominance of a few world languages; the internet doesn't make this trend any easier to tackle.

And tourism to beautiful locations helps to shove indigenous language to the edge of the cliff.

Navigating Na'vi

The world premiere of James Cameron's $306m, 15-years-in-the-making movie, Avatar, took place last night on the blue carpet at the Odeon, Leicester Square in London. So, no pressure then. Mixed reviews so far, but movies this huge are bound to attract critics salivating with anticipation of a turkey.

The story revolves around an indigenous alien species on the planet Pandora, the Na'vi, sitting on a mining site coveted by human invaders. The language of the Na'vi has been created by University of Southern Californa linguistics professor, Paul R. Frommer, in a direct attempt to mimic the success of Klingon from the Star Trek franchise.

This is a massive hostage to fortune. Star Trek grew a fan base organically from the original 1960s television series after a dodgy start in the ratings. Fluency in Klingon was far from the minds of ambivalent viewers. Three series of beaming William Shatner up from disastrous escapades on strange, new worlds meant the hard slog built a back-catalogue of 79 shows to be stripped into endless repeats, eventually finding its audience of enthusiastic Trekkies. Klingon first appeared as a nascent language in 1979, throwing off the strictures of English in Star Trek: The Motion Picture only getting fully fledged by Star Trek III in 1984.

Avatar, meanwhile, hopes to super-glue Na'vi lingo into the world's nerd consciousness in one giant leap. Either audiences will think 'Huh?', especially if the movie tanks, or it'll be a grower and fans will be flocking to night school. Everything probably depends on the film's ability to wash its face and spawn a sequel franchise. Otherwise, fluency in Na'vi will be at best a party piece at Hollywood dinner parties or at worst a symptom of autistic tendencies.

If the franchise takes off, it would be great to send broadcasts off to the stars in a mad attempt to see if any species out there can work out how to engage in Na'vi conversation. Or not, obviously.