A room of one's own: an unattainable dream?

Where there's an online product, you'll soon find a hacker or a pirate.

The latest examples that confirm the human urge to scream 'Mine' very loudly are Andy Coulson's tenure as editor of the News of the World (phone hacking has been alleged by, most recently, the New York Times) and hacker success in distributing popular ebooks for free.

Even the unveiling of the Stig's identity on Top Gear smacks of the school playground bully, tearing off the wings of a butterfly.

At stake, personal and professional privacy, and the right to make money from electronic products.

This is a gold rush in reverse where, in a landscape where information wants to be free, no one is allowed to make money. This spells disaster to conventional business models for creative companies. The globalisation effects of YouTube, home recording and back-bedroom piracy will propel the media into a dangerous Wild West outlaw world where copyright is seen as red tape and creatives won't be able to earn a crust. The new billionaires will be the sharp-elbowed owners of the speakeasies at the edge of the law and beyond.

The likes of Mick Jagger, J K Rowling, Steven Spielberg, Clint Eastwood and Dan Brown represent the last of a dying breed: stars who get rich through their imaginations.


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Inception: the elevator pitch

Being John Malkovich meets Tron: it'll take you to the next level.

What would happen if Christopher Nolan ever films a script by Charlie Kaufman?


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Alan Bennett and the ice-cream robbery scam

Alan Bennett, the famous diarist, playwright and Beyond the Fringe veteran, has fallen victim to a con in central London where two women splattered his raincoat with ice-cream and offered to clean it up, while stealing £1500 he had just withdrawn from his bank.

The probability of being robbed in the street does not vary whether someone is well known or not, but the silver lining for Mr Bennett is that he can write about it in his diaries. The episode might even be the kernel of a new play.

This would be an interesting form of revenge, turning adversity into profit while highlighting the scam to warn off repeat offences and copycat pickpockets.


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Pentecostal muscle: a hip-hop career launched?

Scorchio day: made for lazing around, sunbathing, swimming, seeing off local vicar to pastures new with hog-roast buffet and the help of the BBC's Songs of Praise, and introducing a new performer to national consciousness: Forgive, known in civilian life as Toby Butler.

Performing the topical track, 'Straight Fire', for a live broadcast from All Saints, Peckham, Forgive is soon to hippety-hop into a professional career as a musician in a niche market: UK Christian rap. In a world of rampant illicit downloads, tanking niche distributors and retailers (e.g. STL, now under new ownership; Wesley Owen), difficulty in standing out to mass audiences through the white noise of the internet, and shrinking offline media platforms for original music material, how does a new artist like Forgive make a mark on the culture?

• Set up a bespoke website: check;
• Launch a record label: check;
• Write loads of material: check, launch of debut album, Straight Fire, in August 2010;
• Develop a viral marketing strategy: check, stealth-bomb blogs with relevant copy, upload videos to YouTube, plug review copy on relevant platforms (e,g. forthcoming Cross Rhythms feature), decent SEO plan to get 'Forgive' as top rank, say, for 'UK Christian hip-hop' Google search terms;
• Get radio airplay: check, future niche domination of the likes of UCB Radio and Premier Christian Radio; tomorrow promotion via the likes of the Tom Robinson Introducing 6 Music show of bands without corporate contracts;
• Grow a loyal fan base: check, local gigs supplemented by national tours to local churches and festivals;
• Become a rapper-in-residence: react to relevant events with slam poetry like a hip-hop version of Carol Ann Duffy;
• Reclaim rap for positive messages: check, role model status brings private and public responsibilities (Toby is married to Hannah);
• Name-check merchandise à la Taio Cruz (viz: Rokstarr sunglasses): check today's chapter and verse; tomorrow the hip-hop Bible to retrieve the hype from KRS-One's megalomania? (Well, if it can be translated into Klingon, anything's possible);
• Investigate new markets: check, develop relationships with relevant international websites (e.g. urban churches, rap blogs and websites), make sure viral marketing messages are not exclusively UK-centric. 

While the field is narrow, talent one hopes will out. Hopefully Forgive will not be forgetten in a hurry: he might even get name-checked in Rapzilla's next video roll-call ...


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A word for the very wise

All Souls College, Oxford has abandoned its single-word essay examination.

Termination. Discuss.

Or not, from this year onwards.


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A political tipping point?

A first for political journalism today. Gordon Brown and David Cameron were asked who they would support and which policies would be a priority in a hung parliament.

This is an Alice in Wonderland election, where the protagonist's name is Nick, and the Eat Me tag is printed on the voting booth slips. Curiouser and curiouser.

PS: The FT is not even ruling out an outright LibDem victory in the election.


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Late flowering of talent

The defeat of reigning champion John Higgins by Steve Davis at the world snooker is one of the most 'interesting' wins of his career.

After winning six world titles before 1989, Steve Davis has done practically nothing in the sport since, while expanding his horizons into chess, poker and television commentary on snooker.

Some people, like volcanoes, can have their talent lay dormant for years until some unexplained moment when their skill and experience erupt into a new event.

As with Mr Davis, Brian Close played for England at cricket in 1949, the youngest to do so, and was still facing the bowling in 1976 against the then might of the West Indies.

Diana Athill wrote a novel and a collection of short stories in the 1960s, while working as an editor at André Deutsch, but her true flowering as an author of note only came with a autobiography called Stet written well into her 80s. She is still writing, even as she moves into a care home.

Mary Wesley famously churned out unpublished novels up until her 70th year when finally her public career was launched with a bestseller. Thereafter she wrote a novel a year to huge readerships for the next two decades.

Igor Stravinsky met Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky as a youngster, composed The Firebird at 28 in 1910, and carried on creating until completing his Requiem Canticles in 1966, at the age of 85.

Pablo Picasso kept painting through his various periods from the beginning of his career as a young cubist until the end of his long life in 1973.

What keep the critics occupied is comparing talented people against their own skill at various points in their lives. The greatest geniuses may be those people who expertise is equally celebrated at all points of the lives.


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We're all in this together: too right we are

Invitation to join the Government of Britain, eh?

Shades of Neil Kinnock's roar at Labour's Sheffield rally in 1992? The Conservative party manifesto sounds at first glance a bit triumphalist -- and 118 pages in a hardback format looks a bit reactionary.

Does anyone actually want the extra responsibility of voting in new police officers, sacking incompetent teachers, running schools, or firing the local MP? One top of doing your own job? The only people with the time or inclination to do this will be rich socialites with right-wing agendas. And who decides the criteria with which standards can be judged?

It's a dog's breakfast or, misquoting Gerald Kaufman, it might just be the longest political suicide note in history. And the best of it is, the Tories don't yet suspect a thing.


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What Jonathan did next ...

A conundrum is answered: Jonathan Ross is back in the news with his next project (see also Friday night without Jonathan Ross).

The talkshow/comedy host is writing a comic-book miniseries called Turf, with illustrator Tommy Lee Edwards, perhaps already optioned by director Matthew Vaughn to follow up his cut hit Kick-Ass.

Mr Ross confesses to the Guardian his need to be a creative for once, rather than riffing off guests or documentary subjects. Perhaps he'll follow in his wife's footsteps and be a scriptwriter for a while, using his television schtick to fund his vanity projects?

There are precedents ... Russell Brand, Mr Ross' evil twin, is forging a career as an actor in Hollywood; and Kevin Spacey acts in Hollywood movies in part to support his work as artistic director at the Old Vic.


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Hans Christian Andersen: 205 today

Google follows its own agenda. Most publishing ventures celebrate round numbers when it comes to rites of passage: 50, 100, 250 years after the event.

But not Google.

Today, behold, 205 years after the birth of Hans Christian Andersen, it is a Google tribute to 'Thumbelina'. Last week it was Jan Amos Komensky's 418th birthday hitting the spotlight. Last year the search engine celebrated 143 years of the life of H G Wells and the 2560th anniversary of Confucius. Just because Google can do what it fancies.

It's less a question of 'do no evil' as 'keep your competitors guessing'.


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His Next Materials

Author Philip Pullman has continued his critique of Christianity in the shape of The Good Man Jesus and the Scoundrel Christ: speculation that the Messiah was actually a pair of twins with different agendas.

Perhaps Philip himself is an angel and Pullman the devil?

Harry Potter and the Period Drama

Any visit to Lacock, Wiltshire can bring on that déjà vu feeling.

Stepping along the high street one can be forgiven for thinking Judi Dench is opening her front door in Cranford, Daniel Ratcliffe is having a private tutorial with Professor Slughorn (Jim Broadbent), and Jennifer Ehle and Colin Firth are avoiding each other through most of Pride and Prejudice.

Outside London, Lacock may be one of the most popular film locations in Britain. If anyone's done a headcount tally it would be interesting to know.

No bad for a Muggle

Boffins have developed a device that renders 3D objects invisible, the first step in the development of a Harry Potter-style invisibility cloak.

So, what other benchmark gadgets might maverick scientists be working on behind the scenes?

• Teleporting beams?
• Telepathy helmets?
• Time machines?
• Superpower ability enablers?
• Perfect photography memory devices?

All of the above ideas have been inspired by fiction, written and visual. Perhaps even more creative work can be achieved where artists have yet to tread? Unless, of course, the artistic visualisation of a gadget has to precede the need to create it.

Which came first: the science or the art?


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Blue eyes, Mensa IQ to go ...

Welcome to HuxleyWorld: theme parks located at London Bridge and Virginia where the hot ride on offer is to enter a raffle for an egg of your choice for IVF.

Science fiction? No, this is a real publicity drive punching a coach and horses through ethical worries about the sanctity of new life. This is bingo for babies: the winner cries 'House' and takes the DNA home.

Whether the initiative is banned or not it has succeeded in promoting its services. And it proves that people will always push against the boundaries of taste and decency to get noticed. We have gone from surrogate mothers to surrogate egg farmers in 25 years.


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Beyond the book

When is an e-book not an e-book? Possibly when its enhanced with video, audio, music and social media networking possibilities.

In the red corner, publishers say added extra to electronic texts are publishing rights; in the blue corner, agents claim enhanced e-books are a new medium that may best be sold to film companies or record labels.

Who said media convergence would run smoothly?

Maybe Canongate Books have got it right: they are apparently negotiating enhanced e-book rights on a title by title basis.

Illustrated-book contracts may also shine light on the subject, rather than heat it up: the royalty split between illustrator and author often depends on the importance of the respective art in any given project.

So picture-book contracts are weighted towards illustrators, whereas illustrated fiction titles are titled towards authors, with partnerships like Roald Dahl/Quentin Blake split more evenly.

The Death of Bunny Munro: A Novel (Hardcover)

Alice in Disneyland

A business wrangle had threatened to derail the box-office success of Tim Burton's new 3D take on Alice in Wonderland.

Disney, the studio behind the movie, was insisting that the film goes to DVD after 13 weeks, not the usual 17 weeks. This riled Odeon, who were refusing to show the film in its cinemas. Until a compromise was reached.

I'm unsure whether the row was good publicity to promote Alice, or whether earlier DVD sales would have made more money for Disney. Or both.

It all seemed an arcane argument that threatened to deny audiences from getting the benefit of Mr Burton's vision in 3D.

But Disney quietly dropped their demand and, lo and behold, Alice's column inches (and web virals) grew and Grew and GREW ...

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Debunking history

The boy pharoah Tutankhamun died of malaria ... The Battle of Bosworth was in Fen Lane Farm, 2 miles away from where people thought it was ... The Staffordshire Hoard will shed light on life in the Dark Ages ...

Science and technology may signify progress into the future, but it also sheds light on the past at ever-increasing speed. Maybe boffins will soon be able to work out answers to the following questions:

• Was King Arthur a historical figure?
• Did the princes thought murdered in the Bloody Tower survive?
• Was there a Great Flood with an ark, as in Genesis and the Gilgamesh creation myth?
• How did the Egyptians learn to build pyramids?
• Will there be definitive proof linking relics to the life and times of Jesus?
• What really killed off the dinosaurs?
• Where is the lost city of Atlantis?
• Is the Bermuda triangle a real phenomenon?
• What is the meaning of Easter Island?
• What is the Voynich Manuscript all about?
• Who built Stonehenge?
• Where is the Ark of the Covenant?
• Can the history of Troy be reassembled from the myth?

Holy Grails, all ... and there will be hundreds of people out there trying to get to the bottom of these perennial posers.

Stalking J K Rowling

High-profile authors must have good lawyers these days.

Just like successful musicians being accused of ripping off unsigned bands etc., the trend extends to bestselling brands like J K Rowling's Harry Potter books and films.

If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, literary stalking is the basest form of rapacity. And Joanne Rowling must be swamped by hoards of chancers chasing the harrypotter tailgate.

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Catcher waves goodbye

I felt as sorry as hell to hear the news. With a minimum of fanfare, J D Salinger, the creator of Holden Caulfield, is no more.

The Catcher in the Rye, and his earlier novels, have already shot up the Amazon sales charts with up to 3000 per cent increases.

There are a rumoured fifteen unpublished Salinger novels locked up in a vault. Now that the famously reclusive writer has passed away, what's the betting his Estate will allow publication of his work? If the publishing trade has its way (specifically literary agent Andrew 'The Jackal' Wylie), the first of these books would appear before the end of the year, probably in time for Christmas.

And it's a no-brainer for Hollywood to try to adapt The Catcher in the Rye now there is no obstacle to do so.

Tesco's cut-price Tinseltown

So that's what Tesco's ClubCard is for: cross-promotion.

By knowing what FMCG goods book buyers spend their money on, Tesco have started to adapt best-selling titles for straight-to-DVD films. The first of these projects is a Jackie Collins' bonkbuster called Paris Connections.

The fun is trying to guess which products trigger heavy enough book-buying to stimulate interest in producing a film. Perhaps Jackie Collins readers buy disproportionate amounts of chocolate and red wine? Maybe Karin Slaughter fans hoard kitchen utensils? And it's tempting to think Jacqueline Wilson's audience stock up on ice cream, jelly and sponge cakes.

But, seriously, it's a bit depressing when decisions to make movies boil down to how many spuds a supermarket is selling. Where's the art, the creativity, the passionate auteurs in that? And I can't image retailers wanting to get over-embroiled in negotiations with authors' agents, although perhaps the number of projected DVD sales will make agents receptive to such deals.

This development moulds Hollywood into the role of product managers and promotion statisticians, where every new film is an extrapolation of public tastes in groceries. It brings stardom down the to the level of the weekly shop, which is perhaps just what Tesco wants.