CopyGhosting.com launch

MalaPopulisms may have resembled a sleeping volcano, but I have not been dormant. The fruits of my labour have now been launched: CopyGhosting, a copywriting and ghostwriting service for projects of all sizes -- from CVs and slogans, to articles and manuscripts ... and everything in between.

I'm already busy with commissions, but please check out the site if you have a job you would like me to consider. Send me an email or call me to discuss your project and your budget.

50 ways to improve your website

I've just finished reading 50 Ways to Make Google Love Your Website, a recently published primer on how to organise your website so that Googlebots spot it more easily and that other websites realise they want to link to it, all in the name of getting fabulous page-ranking recognition when your killer keywords get typed into Google's search engine. If you run a website, market stuff over the web or engage in e-commerce, buy this book: it will change your understanding of what it takes to build a successful online presence.

I should declare a tangential interest. I am largely aware of the book as one of its authors, Steve Johnston, is a friend of mine; and I edited an early eBook version of the project hosted on Steve's company website. Many months down the line, the published edition has evolved out of all recognition from the early PDF format to the absolute benefit of the book.


50 Ways to Make Google Love Your Website lets digital media professionals and enthusiastic in on SEO secrets in seamless everyday language; the book must have been through several drafts and has profited from careful editing from Random House and various peer review critiques. It's an impressive achievement and deserves to clean up the competition within its niche.


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Ask Stephen: the virtual booktour

Only Stephen Fry could get away with this, yet he may be starting a trend: launching a book via Twitter, cinema, webcasts and, later, YouTube, no doubt. And The Fry Chronicles is available in five formats simultaneously: book, eBook, iBook, audiobook and iPhone app.

Mr Fry is launching the tome by appearing at the various UK theatres to do augmented book readings on successive evenings: the add-on part comes from interaction with audiences in the venue and at 60 cinemas with some of his 1.8 million Twitter followers.

Real-time Q and A, and the Twittersphere will send #recommendation tags to their exponential readers. Already the Chronicles has toppled Tony Blair's Journey from the top of Amazon's UK book chart. Very smart.

All this commercial success without stepping into a television or radio studio, chatting to features journalists (although Mr Fry is doing his bit the old-fashioned way, too), going 'on the road' past the Oxford-Cambridge-London triangle, or getting your hair wet.

Where Stephen leads, other writers will follow, especially if they have a Twitter fan base.


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Florida: Fahrenheit 451

Ray Bradbury's novel Fahrenheit 451 derived its title from the temperature at which paper burns. Florida is feeling the heat from around the world about the pastor Terry Jones on/off campaign to incinerate copies of the Koran at the Dove World Outreach.

This is the stuff of fatwa. You don't hear stories of people burning Bibles, Torahs or, to the frank, any kind of book (apart from the Nazis), so this proposed action is incendiary to the Muslim world.

The proposed compromise, to move the location of an Islamic Centre in Manhattan, is probably a non-starter in that the site is two blocks away from Ground Zero.

This row is dangerous and, whatever happens, Mr Jones has succeeded in strengthening the common stereotype of the United States as an arrogant, intolerant state. Although this is a simplistic and wrong-headed view, there are extremists in the country who play to the gallery.

Terrorism may increase in the short term, Osama bin Laden will probably release a video, and Mr Jones may need to employ enhanced security measures for himself and his church.


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Live from Easter Road: Thompson 1 Murdoch 1

At the Edinburgh television festival's MacTaggart lecture, the BBC director general, Mark Thompson ordered a dish of hot revenge from the media menu. His target was James Murdoch, Sky's chairman, who roasted the BBC during the event's speech last year.

What would be more impressive than the knockabout jousting would be a smidgen of mea culpa. But media moguls are politicians these days and have to be seen to avoid Gerald Ratner-style 'crap' gaffes. You can't admit to naffness without adversely affecting the next BBC licence-fee settlement or the next morning's Sky share price.


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The Prints of Darkness

Peter Mandelson's political memoirs, The Third Man, are shining a torch on to the divisions between Gordon Brown and Tony Blair when in government as New Labour, especially over the inference that Blair promised to hand over prime-ministerial power to Brown in 2003.

But whatever happened to Chatham House Rules? When is it a good time to publish political autobiographies? The best option is immediately after a general election loss, despite the risk of short-term damage. In this case, any furore will have died down by the September party conference, when a new leader will be chosen.

Presumably Lord Mandelson must feel his front-bench career is over to be quite so candid. Whether this is a wise decision or not will become clear in the next few years as the coalition will live or die by the outcomes of their draconian policies.


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Alan Bennett and the ice-cream robbery scam

Alan Bennett, the famous diarist, playwright and Beyond the Fringe veteran, has fallen victim to a con in central London where two women splattered his raincoat with ice-cream and offered to clean it up, while stealing £1500 he had just withdrawn from his bank.

The probability of being robbed in the street does not vary whether someone is well known or not, but the silver lining for Mr Bennett is that he can write about it in his diaries. The episode might even be the kernel of a new play.

This would be an interesting form of revenge, turning adversity into profit while highlighting the scam to warn off repeat offences and copycat pickpockets.


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Wedlock and Mandible

The new London 2012 Olympic mascots are a bit of a tongue-twister and have the look and feel of a children's focus group. Say hello to Wenlock and Mandeville, for the Olympics and Paralympics respectively: cuddly, one-eyed steel-girder off-cuts from the Stadium.

The reaction, from adults, will be harsh initially, who will hark back with nostalgia to unreconstructed furry icons like World Cup Willie.

The children, however, should love them, especially with the four-minute Michael Morpurgo scripted animation. The mascots are inked in to earn £70 million from merchandising, and websites like Facebook and Twitter will be bombarded with interactive opportunities to engage with the dynamic duo.

Give it a few weeks and everyone will have come round to the concept. Two years to go, though, so Wenlock and Mandeville will have their work cut out to stay relevant to the news agenda.


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Gallows humour at the Treasury

A comparison of Reginald Maudling and Liam Byrnes' respective notes to their successors in Government is illuminating.

In 1964, Reggie M greeted James Callaghan, the new Chancellor of the Exchequer, with the immortal words: 'Good luck, old cock. Sorry to leave it in such a mess.' The incident only came to light in subsequent memoirs.

Liam Byrne's letter to David Laws read: 'I'm afraid there's no money -- good luck.' A missive made public within a few days at a press conference.

Fifty years is clearly a geologic era in politics. The striking contrast is in media deference to politicians and the need to feed to 24-hour news cycle. In future, retiring politicians won't publish memoirs, they will launch retrospective vlogs on YouTube; and the 30-year rule that embargoes official secrets will be the exception rather than the rule.


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The mutt pack

As Andrew O'Hagan launches his novel The Life and Opinions of Maf the Dog and his Friend Marilyn Munroe, George Clooney is already touting for the role of Frank Sinatra even though film rights have yet to be discussed.

Should this positioning of actors for choice roles based on historic be given its own syndrome?

Freud and Jung would have a field day.


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Late flowering of talent

The defeat of reigning champion John Higgins by Steve Davis at the world snooker is one of the most 'interesting' wins of his career.

After winning six world titles before 1989, Steve Davis has done practically nothing in the sport since, while expanding his horizons into chess, poker and television commentary on snooker.

Some people, like volcanoes, can have their talent lay dormant for years until some unexplained moment when their skill and experience erupt into a new event.

As with Mr Davis, Brian Close played for England at cricket in 1949, the youngest to do so, and was still facing the bowling in 1976 against the then might of the West Indies.

Diana Athill wrote a novel and a collection of short stories in the 1960s, while working as an editor at André Deutsch, but her true flowering as an author of note only came with a autobiography called Stet written well into her 80s. She is still writing, even as she moves into a care home.

Mary Wesley famously churned out unpublished novels up until her 70th year when finally her public career was launched with a bestseller. Thereafter she wrote a novel a year to huge readerships for the next two decades.

Igor Stravinsky met Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky as a youngster, composed The Firebird at 28 in 1910, and carried on creating until completing his Requiem Canticles in 1966, at the age of 85.

Pablo Picasso kept painting through his various periods from the beginning of his career as a young cubist until the end of his long life in 1973.

What keep the critics occupied is comparing talented people against their own skill at various points in their lives. The greatest geniuses may be those people who expertise is equally celebrated at all points of the lives.


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How to ruin your own reputation in a fortnight

Orlando Figes will now have to work hard not to be remembered as the academic who set fire to his own career. Years of building a reputation can be destroyed in an instant.

Posing as 'Historian' when reviewing works of history on Amazon, he raved about his own books and trashed his rivals' work, including Robert Service's biography of Leon Trotsky.

This may be seen initially as trivial, as playground antics, but when his rivals smelt a rat, Mr Figes instructed his lawyers to sue for libel in an attempt to smother their reaction. This tactic backfired when he was forced after a fortnight of posturing to admit his authorship of the caustic reviews.

Such behaviour goes down like Agent Orange in the academic world. Mr Figes is unfortunate in that the extremes of his behaviour will serve as a warning and a case study to other authors similarly tempted to bash competitors' books.

In an increasingly wired world, online reviews can matter: as Mr Service has said, 'there is such a thing as negative publicity' as sales of his book did not benefit from a 'dead-cat bounce' from curious readers wondering if the criticism was over the top. In other words, during the two-week siege, sales of Mr Service's book tanked.

Hmm. If wonder if the lawyers will now pursue Mr Figes, who is now on compassionate leave of ill-health grounds from his post at Birkbeck University?


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And another thing about Oprah

One revelation from Kitty Kelley's new biography puts Oprah Winfrey in good diva company ...

Apparently, she doesn't do stairs (see also Mariah Carey).

Unlike the Daleks, who famously didn't do stairs until 1988.


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The wizard of Oprah

Someday in the distant future there will be a bestselling, warts-and-all biography on the life and times of Oprah Winfrey. But 'distant future' is the defining phrase here, even as arch-reputation puncturer Kitty Kelley's book hits the stores.

The big O, it seems, gets everyone she's ever met to sign a confidentiality agreement not to reveal details of her life or business empire. This is celebrity brand meets the Coca-Cola formula, and it can't last in the long run.

When this mortal coil forces Ms Winfrey beyond the reach of her lawyers, publishers will finally have a field day. Protective shields around stars create mystery that the media loves to destroy. The second law of thermodynamics applies to celebrities too: the entropy of the universe of gossip is always increasing.


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His Next Materials

Author Philip Pullman has continued his critique of Christianity in the shape of The Good Man Jesus and the Scoundrel Christ: speculation that the Messiah was actually a pair of twins with different agendas.

Perhaps Philip himself is an angel and Pullman the devil?

Odd title Diagram Prize winner

The votes are in and the winner of the Diagram Prize for the unintentionally oddest book title of the year is ...

Crocheting adventures with hyperbolic planes by Daina Taimina (see also earlier post, 'The importance of being odd', 11 March 2010)

Apparently it's the best fusion of crochet and mathematics known to humankind. Long may it prosper in the Billboard Geek 100 bestseller chart.

There's one born every minute

Web memes travel fast. One recent example involves food activist, Raj Patel, hailed by 'religious group' Share International as the Messiah, or Meitraya.

Apparently Mr Patel ticks all the boxes for the accolade according to the predictions of 87-year-old Scottish mystic, Benjamin Creme. He is being bombarded with email and nascent worshippers, despite his protestations of mistaken identity.

It's amazing how ideas can spread, given the right audience susceptibilities. What might be next?

• Katie Price is the antichrist, given her perceived penchant for fame, followers and credit-cards;
• Jim Carrey is an alien, given his Mask and Bruce Almighty superpowers;
• Margaret Thatcher is the reincarnation of the Queen of Sheba, given their shared taste in handbags;
• Tom Cruise is a closet Catholic, reverting back to the faith under the influence of his wife, Katie Holmes;
• David Icke is a part-time goalkeeping coach, building of the experience of his first career.

All it needs are a few well-placed posts on influential blogs and Twitter accounts and viral Chinese whispers will do their worst.

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Beyond the book

When is an e-book not an e-book? Possibly when its enhanced with video, audio, music and social media networking possibilities.

In the red corner, publishers say added extra to electronic texts are publishing rights; in the blue corner, agents claim enhanced e-books are a new medium that may best be sold to film companies or record labels.

Who said media convergence would run smoothly?

Maybe Canongate Books have got it right: they are apparently negotiating enhanced e-book rights on a title by title basis.

Illustrated-book contracts may also shine light on the subject, rather than heat it up: the royalty split between illustrator and author often depends on the importance of the respective art in any given project.

So picture-book contracts are weighted towards illustrators, whereas illustrated fiction titles are titled towards authors, with partnerships like Roald Dahl/Quentin Blake split more evenly.

The Death of Bunny Munro: A Novel (Hardcover)

The importance of being odd

The Bookseller has released the shortlist for this year's Diagram Prize for oddest unintentional book title of the year. The candidates for this celebrated yet dubious honour are:

• Collectible Spoons of the Third Reich by James A Yannes;
• Afterthoughts of a Worm Hunter by D W T Crompton;
• Governing Lethal Behavior in Autonomous Robots by Ronald C Arkin;
• The Changing World of Inflammatory Bowel Disease by Ellen Scherl and Marla Dubinsky;
• Crocheting Adventures with Hyperbolic Planes by Daina Taimina; and
• What Kind of Bean is this Chihuahua? by Tara Jansen-Meyer.

I have always thought this prize interesting yet somehow snarky: laughing behind hands at the implied silliness of the titles. How much more fascinating it would be to know the sales figures and the Amazon ranking of odd titles. Profitable oddity would be a cause really worth celebrating.

Tony's Journey: a road to nowhere?

Tony Blair, the former prime minister, may have a rhinoceros skin, but we'll soon see if he has a glass chin.

With televised political debates between party leaders a new and integral part of the forthcoming UK general election, Mr Blair's memoirs, The Journey, are to be published in September 2010.

With so much capital spent in the Chilcot Inquiry, will Mr Blair have anything new to say about his time in office ... and, if he goes on a walkabout publicity tour, will people allow him to say it?

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