Notting Hill: the people's carnival

Fans of Notting Hill the movie would be forgiven in thinking the avoid was devoid of black culture. The film, however, was an airbrushed version of the vibrant reality. Not so much Hugh Grant as Eddy Grant; not Julia Roberts, more Robert Nesta Marley, universally known as Bob.

At Notting Hill Carnival time, the ethnic diversity of the area is celebrated with music, costume, Caribbean food and joie de vivre (not to mention truckloads of Red Stripe lager). The floats started their parade at around noon, and the crowds promised had not reached bone-crushing, pickpocket-cruising levels at the time. The volume of the music was less ear-splitting than feared (maybe Kensington and Chelsea borough council whispered in the organisers' shell-like ear, after last year's sound systems would have given a Jumbo jet a run for its money). The food was reasonably priced (jerk chicken and a beef pattie for £6.50). And there were surprising pockets of calm, with jewellery stalls, face-painting opportunities, and vuvuzela sellers dotted around.

The police were everywhere without being obtrusive. I only saw one cannabis dealer and one guy offering laughing gas to an unsuspecting public, both plying their wares at a mobile disco where nubile young things were writhing to the ragga on the back of a specially customised lorry.

All in all, a joyous day, wrapped up with a warming-down walk through Kensington Gardens and a read  of the paper next to the Serpentine.


Search Amazon.com for carnival

Dogs' dinners

A dog-friendly pub chain is trying out a new idea: providing meals for dogs while owners scoff their own food. A doggy menu will be provided.

The Brakspear pubs in the trial are the Five Alls near Lechlade, Gloucestershire and the Catherine Wheel in Goring-on-Thames, Berkshire.

What next? Bringing a horse to a watering-hole? Taking an old bull to the Bush? Inviting a cat to the Rat and Parrot? We'll see. It'll depend if the dogs woof the dinners down.


Search Amazon.com for pubs

Celebrity culture: next steps?

What will be the impact of the new CelebAround iPhone application? Created by MatrixPhotos.com, a paparazzi agency, for a gossip-hungry crowd at £1.79 a throw, fans will be able to track their heroes footsteps 12 hours after the famous soles have trod London's hallowed sod.

• It will simply advertise expensive haunts to ever more people. Just because Madonna may eat at the Ivy doesn't mean Jo Bloggs can afford it.
• Expect a massive increase in mobile video 'journalism'.
• The paparazzi agency may either be shooting itself in the foot or encouraging a new source of material: I can't decide, and it's probably a close run thing.
• Celebrity venues will get even more exclusive in an attempt to keep out the 'civilians'.
• Stars will still be able to wander the street incognito if they dress down sufficiently and don't court publicity.
• Stalking has just met Google Maps.
• Agents will try to get the application banned, as business may get more difficult to negotiate without sufficient camflouge.
• Private members' clubs will thrive.
• Ordinary people may often get mistaken for celebrities causing many false sightings that clog up the site.

In short, a dangerous, dog's breakfast of an idea that may drown under the volume its own shrill publicity.

Search Amazon.com for celebrity stalking

There's one born every minute

Web memes travel fast. One recent example involves food activist, Raj Patel, hailed by 'religious group' Share International as the Messiah, or Meitraya.

Apparently Mr Patel ticks all the boxes for the accolade according to the predictions of 87-year-old Scottish mystic, Benjamin Creme. He is being bombarded with email and nascent worshippers, despite his protestations of mistaken identity.

It's amazing how ideas can spread, given the right audience susceptibilities. What might be next?

• Katie Price is the antichrist, given her perceived penchant for fame, followers and credit-cards;
• Jim Carrey is an alien, given his Mask and Bruce Almighty superpowers;
• Margaret Thatcher is the reincarnation of the Queen of Sheba, given their shared taste in handbags;
• Tom Cruise is a closet Catholic, reverting back to the faith under the influence of his wife, Katie Holmes;
• David Icke is a part-time goalkeeping coach, building of the experience of his first career.

All it needs are a few well-placed posts on influential blogs and Twitter accounts and viral Chinese whispers will do their worst.

Search Amazon.com for messiah
Search Amazon.com for raj patel

Beanfeast for chocoholics

What do investment bankers find themselves doing when they lose their jobs?

One such employee, Robert Jakobi, launched a food business based on his Pod bites snacks: yoghurt and chocolate-covered edamame beans, now selling to cinemas, delis, Selfridges and Harvey Nichols.

It remains to be seen if the venture amounts to more than a hill of beans.

And it's nothing to do with Apple, although the website domain ownership for the product may keep corporate lawyers twitching. This is where trademarking comes in, and one would assume Mr Jakobi has his food classes (nos. 29-31) sewn up.


Search Amazon.com for edamame

Tesco's cut-price Tinseltown

So that's what Tesco's ClubCard is for: cross-promotion.

By knowing what FMCG goods book buyers spend their money on, Tesco have started to adapt best-selling titles for straight-to-DVD films. The first of these projects is a Jackie Collins' bonkbuster called Paris Connections.

The fun is trying to guess which products trigger heavy enough book-buying to stimulate interest in producing a film. Perhaps Jackie Collins readers buy disproportionate amounts of chocolate and red wine? Maybe Karin Slaughter fans hoard kitchen utensils? And it's tempting to think Jacqueline Wilson's audience stock up on ice cream, jelly and sponge cakes.

But, seriously, it's a bit depressing when decisions to make movies boil down to how many spuds a supermarket is selling. Where's the art, the creativity, the passionate auteurs in that? And I can't image retailers wanting to get over-embroiled in negotiations with authors' agents, although perhaps the number of projected DVD sales will make agents receptive to such deals.

This development moulds Hollywood into the role of product managers and promotion statisticians, where every new film is an extrapolation of public tastes in groceries. It brings stardom down the to the level of the weekly shop, which is perhaps just what Tesco wants.

Krafty dealing

Now that Kraft has eaten Cadbury, what'll happen to the respective confectionery brands:

1. Kraft

• Terry's Chocolate Orange may go clockwork;
• Toblerone might run triangles around the opposition;
• Côte d'Or may trigger a gold rush;
• Terry's All Gold might beat them to them to them thar hills;
• Daim might take aim and shoot to kill.

2. Cadbury's

• Bubbaloo's bubble might burst;
• Cadbury's Creme Eggs may not get laid;
• Cadbury's Dairy Milk might be short of a pint;
• Dentyne Ice may leave a bad taste in the mouth;
• Cadbury's Eclairs might get clattered;
• Flake may crumble;
• Cadbury's Fruit and Nut might need rehab;
• Green & Black's may get a shiner and feel sick;
• Hollywood chewing gum might stick in the craw;
• Stimorol chewing gum may lack energy;
• Trident chewing gum might be a damp squib;
• Bassett's may get hounded;
• Bubblicious might have the wind taken out of it;
• Crunchie may lose its bite;
• Freddo might blow hot and cold;
• Milk Tray may not be what the lady loves;
• Moro might be no more;
• Mr Big may shrivel;
• Old Gold might be more oldie than goldie;
• Perk may have peaked;
• Maynards might not.

And what'll happen to Fair Trade? Chocolate lovers are running out of ethical options if they choose to shun Kraft-Cadbury and Nestlé.

Viva Al Karama

Dubai World are trying to spend their way out of trouble by launching a kind of Sharia-law friendly Las Vegas experience, complete without smoking and gambling. Hmm.

It's a bit like opening an alcohol-free Scotch whisky distillery in Utah; or perhaps launching a charcuterie in Jerusalem without the pork. Any takers for shares in a Kabul fancy-dress establishment where tribal costumes are so last year?

Anyone with cash invested in the likes of HSBC and RBS, major investors in Dubai World, may soon be looking for that suitcase under the bed as a safer bet.