Separated at birth, go West young man

The passing of the baton, should Spaghetti Westerns ever make a comeback: for Clint Eastwood, read Hugh Jackman.


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A room of one's own: an unattainable dream?

Where there's an online product, you'll soon find a hacker or a pirate.

The latest examples that confirm the human urge to scream 'Mine' very loudly are Andy Coulson's tenure as editor of the News of the World (phone hacking has been alleged by, most recently, the New York Times) and hacker success in distributing popular ebooks for free.

Even the unveiling of the Stig's identity on Top Gear smacks of the school playground bully, tearing off the wings of a butterfly.

At stake, personal and professional privacy, and the right to make money from electronic products.

This is a gold rush in reverse where, in a landscape where information wants to be free, no one is allowed to make money. This spells disaster to conventional business models for creative companies. The globalisation effects of YouTube, home recording and back-bedroom piracy will propel the media into a dangerous Wild West outlaw world where copyright is seen as red tape and creatives won't be able to earn a crust. The new billionaires will be the sharp-elbowed owners of the speakeasies at the edge of the law and beyond.

The likes of Mick Jagger, J K Rowling, Steven Spielberg, Clint Eastwood and Dan Brown represent the last of a dying breed: stars who get rich through their imaginations.


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Pulling a rabbit out of the hat: The Illusionist review

Fabulous movies don't have to be plot-filled. And great scripts can be stuck in development hell for fifty years.

Jacques Tati wrote the screenplay for The Illusionist back in 1956 as a way of trying to re-establish a relationship with his estranged late daughter, Sophie (see also Edinbourg rendez-vous? Yes, please)

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The Tati Estate has been very cautious about anyone producing the story, so Sylvain Chomet (the maker of the classic Belleville Rendez-Vous) needed the tact of a fox to convince the family to let him loose on the crown jewels as a feature-length animation.

And to persuade them to let him reset the movie largely in Edinburgh and the Highlands of Scotland.

Big on atmosphere, father-daughter relationships and the disappointment of fading dreams, The Illusionist is a period costume piece without nostalgia. It's a rites of passage story about growing up and growing old, sad without being tragic and with a strange nobility invested in the central character: Tati himself as the illusionist.

Almost a silent film, the movie has a great chance of an Oscar next year as Best Foreign Picture. Go see it for yourselves.


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Sean Connery at 80

Shaken, not stirred, perhaps to have reached such a milestone, the Scottish icon is still semi-active as an actor. A voiceover for the animation, Sir Billi, is in post-production.

It's amazing that Sir Sean was still playing action heroes in 2003. Given audience expections, you can't imagine Angelina Jolie playing Lara Croft at 73, unless the franchise spins out to the Tomb Raider's granddaughter.

Movies are strange beasts that don't reflect society. Perhaps we are more reluctant to let go of action heroes? Maybe things won't change until women get action franchises as the lead protagonists ... and this has not happened often in a century of commercial film-making.


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Inception: the elevator pitch

Being John Malkovich meets Tron: it'll take you to the next level.

What would happen if Christopher Nolan ever films a script by Charlie Kaufman?


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Separated at birth, go forth and multiply

Hey, what about Batman and Michael Vaughan, former England cricket captain. Never seen in the same room together.


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Billy Millionaire: the Olympic opener

London 2012 has just taken another decision. Danny Boyle and Stephen Daldry have been handed the reins of creation for the Olympics' opening ceremony.

Both directors have form. Danny Boyle's biggest success was the Oscar-winning Slumdog Millionaire; Stephen Daldry was the creative force behind Billy Elliot.

So what can we expect? Something new, or a hybrid of previous projects: Indian boy makes good in his quest to be a Bollywood dancer?

Whatever results will be very different and presumably less expensive than the opening to the Beijing 2008 Olympics.


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Brothers blooming?

Why do stars act in low-budget movies? Answers on a postcard, but here are a few suggestions:

• The stories are less formulaic, so the parts are more interesting?
• The opportunity to play someone different, to go in a new direction?
• The chance to participate in the movie's profit?
• The convenience of seeing your family, as locations would of necessity be cheap?
• The slim chance of being in the next independent classic, with higher probability of being considered by Uncle Oscar and/or the Sundance Kid?
• The opportunity of working with directorial and writing talent not yet sucked into the corporate Hollywood machine?

Perhaps all of the above? The Brothers Bloom ticks most of these bullet points.

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BP: for their next trick ...

BP is the oil-industry's equivalent of Tommy Cooper: except that the failed conjuring tricks they have been performing on the Deepwater Horizon rig in the Gulf of Mexico not only don't work, they aren't funny.

So far BP has tried the 'top kill' approach to stopping the oil flow. This consists of trying to plug the gap with all shades of rubbish and capping the pipe: they have tried drilling fluids, mud, tyres, golf balls and cement. BP has also tried closing safety valves.

Now they are going for the grand finale: cutting the pipe in half further down its length to get a clean break,  and then trying the capping procedure all over again.

The tension is palpable. A good outcome, and Hollywood producers will be primed with chequebooks for an action movie starring Tom Cruise, Hugh Jackman and Angelina Jolie (Deepwater Horizon, anyone? No pitch required, ho ho); fail, and BP will be writing the cheques to the US Government and reading said writing on the wall. The directors may even be reading it on the wall of a prison cell if recent applications of the Anglo-American extradition 'treaty' are applied (e.g. Gary McKinnon, austistic hacker extraordinaire; the Enron bankers from NatWest).

If the above scenarios may be fantasy (for now), one thing is for sure: either way, BP will be picking up the tab. Barack Obama needs someone to blame, even if the disaster wasn't strictly his fault. Laissez-faire policies with respect to big oil are ingrained on the American psyche: the Bush presidencies of father and son need particular highlighting.

And Michael Moore won't be far behind with his particular brand of TV Nation reportage: Obama and Me; Fahrenheit 494.6 (the temperature at which gasoline burns); or perhaps even Slicker Uprising. All bets are off.


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The mutt pack

As Andrew O'Hagan launches his novel The Life and Opinions of Maf the Dog and his Friend Marilyn Munroe, George Clooney is already touting for the role of Frank Sinatra even though film rights have yet to be discussed.

Should this positioning of actors for choice roles based on historic be given its own syndrome?

Freud and Jung would have a field day.


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How to get a Hollywood star in your home movie

If it's Keira Knightley, you've only got to ask at a dinner party; provided, of course, that it's an interesting project.

Miss Knightley said 'yes' to taking part for free in artist Stuart Pearson Wright's £15,000 video installation, playing an Elizabethan getting lost in a Tudor maze.

I don't imagine she'll make a habit of it, but as this was only one day's filming she may feel like she's a trendsetter?


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Wake up and smell the coffee

George Clooney's Nespresso ads are only being shown in Europe, apparently.

He doesn't want to trample on his own reputation in the States as a champion of the people and celebrity activist when it come to not endorsing products, especially made by controversial companies like Nestlé.

Hasn't he heard of the internet, though? Hmm.


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What Jonathan did next ...

A conundrum is answered: Jonathan Ross is back in the news with his next project (see also Friday night without Jonathan Ross).

The talkshow/comedy host is writing a comic-book miniseries called Turf, with illustrator Tommy Lee Edwards, perhaps already optioned by director Matthew Vaughn to follow up his cut hit Kick-Ass.

Mr Ross confesses to the Guardian his need to be a creative for once, rather than riffing off guests or documentary subjects. Perhaps he'll follow in his wife's footsteps and be a scriptwriter for a while, using his television schtick to fund his vanity projects?

There are precedents ... Russell Brand, Mr Ross' evil twin, is forging a career as an actor in Hollywood; and Kevin Spacey acts in Hollywood movies in part to support his work as artistic director at the Old Vic.


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Giving voice to one's fantasies

The latest Facebook viral campaign is promoting the stentorian actor, Brian Blessed, as the next voice of the TomTom satnav. Here are some other voiceovers I'd pay money to hear:

• Loyd Grossman to be Stephen Hawking's computer voice;
• Moira Stewart as the speaking clock;
• Sid Waddell commentating at the World Cup in South Africa;
• Marilyn Monroe railway-station announcements;
• Rory Bremner reading the news, saving money on outside broadcast interviews;
• Vincent Price overdubbing for Conservative Election Broadcasts, Frank Spencer for Labour, Bart Simpson for the LibDems, Prince Charles for the Greens and Rab C Nesbitt for the SNP (leaving Marcel Marceau's mime for the BNP, in the fine tradition of 'the actor voicing' Gerry Adams in his erstwhile pariah days);
• Jeremy Paxman as a weather forecaster;
• Margaret Thatcher as a judge on Britain's Got Talent.

The list is endless ...


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Harry Potter and the Period Drama

Any visit to Lacock, Wiltshire can bring on that déjà vu feeling.

Stepping along the high street one can be forgiven for thinking Judi Dench is opening her front door in Cranford, Daniel Ratcliffe is having a private tutorial with Professor Slughorn (Jim Broadbent), and Jennifer Ehle and Colin Firth are avoiding each other through most of Pride and Prejudice.

Outside London, Lacock may be one of the most popular film locations in Britain. If anyone's done a headcount tally it would be interesting to know.

Pulped fiction

Someone in the Motherhood movie marketing team, Metrodome, is going to be calling a taxi on their career any moment now.

The new Uma Thurman vehicle launched in one UK cinema to garner an exclusivity buzz tanked under an invisibilty cloak: it took £88.00 at the UK box office on its opening weekend. This amounts to twelve paying customers.

It's no wonder Hollywood seems reluctant to shell out megabucks for stars these days.

Motherhood may be heading for DVD rather sooner than first planned, unless the reverse pychology of wanting to see a failed movie kicks in.

A very British divorce

Kate Winslet and Sam Mendes, less than the sum of their parts, after all.

She says tomarto and he says tomatoe. She likes to talk and he likes cricket highlights on Sky TV.

Both are smart, talented and in demand, often at different map reference coordinates. And there's the rub ...

The first thing journalists knew for sure about their marriage breakdown was their own press statement. The tabloid media had no scent of the news, but made up ground in spades on the following days.

But the whole business, though sad, was dignified and restrained.


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Beyond the book

When is an e-book not an e-book? Possibly when its enhanced with video, audio, music and social media networking possibilities.

In the red corner, publishers say added extra to electronic texts are publishing rights; in the blue corner, agents claim enhanced e-books are a new medium that may best be sold to film companies or record labels.

Who said media convergence would run smoothly?

Maybe Canongate Books have got it right: they are apparently negotiating enhanced e-book rights on a title by title basis.

Illustrated-book contracts may also shine light on the subject, rather than heat it up: the royalty split between illustrator and author often depends on the importance of the respective art in any given project.

So picture-book contracts are weighted towards illustrators, whereas illustrated fiction titles are titled towards authors, with partnerships like Roald Dahl/Quentin Blake split more evenly.

The Death of Bunny Munro: A Novel (Hardcover)

Centre-stage fold

There's news in the press that the Royal Opera House wants to stage a musical based on the life and times of Anna Nicole Smith. Possible titles might be:

• Play it again, Hugh;
• Bunny in the money;
• Sex, Drugs and Viagra;
• Show me the dough.

All of which will fuel speculation about the next 'starlet' off the cab rank for such treatment and expansion of the brand. Agents acting for the likes of Paris Hilton, Kerry Katona and Katie Price will be watching the space with interest.

But Gypsy Rose Lee got there years ago, although a 21st-century remake would be unlikely to be so demure.

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Star-gazing in Hollywood

Recent successful movies have highlighted two Hollywood trends that are diverging.

First, there is the Marlon Brando effect: mega-expensive cameos, like the recent 'effort' from Julia Roberts in Valentine's Day at $3 million for six minutes.

Second, there is the 'who he?' law: leading roles for unknown actors, like Sam Worthington in Avatar and Jeremy Renner in The Hurt Locker.

The current situation will go one of two ways, neither of which is good news for the likes of Tom Cruise and Nicolas Cage. Continuing use of unknowns to tell the story, rather than showcase the star and/or making stars out of the unknowns, say Carey Mulligan from An Education.

So the major stars may have to smoke pipes and wear slippers in their Sunset Boulevard mansions for the foreseeable future.