How to win a BAFTA

The Hindsight Guide to success at movie awards ceremonies ...

• Get inside the head of a political story not shown on the news;
• Play a straight man or woman in a gay role;
• Spend a fortune on 3D effects;
• Prepare a great speech (in readiness for further awards);
• Inhabit a well-known persona without it being pure impersonation;
• Be socially conscious yet entertaining;
• Seek out auteur directors;
• Be great in your first feature;
• Play against type;
• Spend hours in make-up;
• Figure out how to work brilliantly with animals and children;
• Be lucky, but make it seem inevitable;
• Have class and durability.