For those tip-of-the-tongue moments when you're surfing the Zeitgeist but can't quite remember where you are, here is malapropism for the 21st-century. Compiled by Christopher Norris. All views expressed are my own
The UK's first live television debate between party chancellors-in-waiting took place this evening. And all this before the election has even been called.
Feedback suggests this wasn't the most entertaining way to unwind in front of the box, but by Newsnight's reckoning Vince Cable won the audience but George Osborne's lack of gaffes may convince floating voters that his lack of experience is not a weakness. Who really knows?
Perhaps the best prediction is that the editing of such debates is crucial, as the best soundbites will make news bulletins that more viewers will watch. Whether or not even these clips will make a difference only times will tell.
Maybe television debates highlight gaffes and little else? Witness the lack of enthusiastic blogging and limp Youtube action...
Just when Samantha Cameron was revving up to support her husband on the campaign trail she goes and gets pregnant.
I'm not sure how this will play with voters. Tory types may prefer her not to get out there, claiming that she will need rest, and it will focus attention on Conservative policies for the family.
It's probably politically neutral news, but does add an extra spicy ingredient to the battle of the PM's wives.
So long, Harry Carpenter: boxing commentator, Wimbledon link man and presenter of Sportsnight and Grandstand succumbed to a heart attack at 84 last weekend.
He was probably best known for his repartee with the heavyweight champion, Frank Bruno, who became a friend. Big Frank would pepper his replies to answers with the phrase 'Know what I mean, 'Arry' being used like a full stop.
I think this is pretty remarkable. How many sports commentators became personal friends and advocates of the sports stars they watch? I can only think of John Arlott's mentoring of South African cricketer Basil D'Oliveira in the early 1960s when the latter's talent was being submerged by Apartheid.
But think of modern-day commentators who are professional journalists, not former players, sharing catchphrases in a kind of double act:
No, there is usually a professional distance, similar to inspectors writing reports on the performance of their victims, whether they be teachers, restaurant owners or farmers. And the economics of sport have changed beyond recognition.
Will this make any difference to the energy and balance of new life? Not in the long term: although scientists will keep a look out for long-term climate trends.
Clocking up thousands of air-miles to leave massive carbon footprints, although Mr Dimbleby has travelled less far than the others. Professor Cox, in particular, seems to present moments from exotic locations all over the globe.
On the other hand, landmark series do benefit from presents getting up close and personal with different Earth environments and artefacts in situ to make their points. And campaigning to prevent one person and their television crew from flying around the place won't independently prevent specific aeroplanes from taking off.
Perhaps landmark series that get sold abroad prevent national television networks from sending their own presenters to make similar programmes, which reduces the overall negative effect on the environment.
One useful advance might be to publish the carbon footprint figure for each episode during the closing credits for each show, backed up with explanations on websites as to how production teams and presenters travelled around during recces and film shoots. An appropriate number of trees could than be planted to offset the damage.
The first thing journalists knew for sure about their marriage breakdown was their own press statement. The tabloid media had no scent of the news, but made up ground in spades on the following days.
But the whole business, though sad, was dignified and restrained.
Apparently Mr Patel ticks all the boxes for the accolade according to the predictions of 87-year-old Scottish mystic, Benjamin Creme. He is being bombarded with email and nascent worshippers, despite his protestations of mistaken identity.
It's amazing how ideas can spread, given the right audience susceptibilities. What might be next?
Katie Price is the antichrist, given her perceived penchant for fame, followers and credit-cards;
All of the above ideas have been inspired by fiction, written and visual. Perhaps even more creative work can be achieved where artists have yet to tread? Unless, of course, the artistic visualisation of a gadget has to precede the need to create it.
Are people are perhaps more interested in relationships than in looking things up? Or is Facebook simply more addictive than Google within vulnerable demographics?
This has a downside. There is an increasing demand for clinical intervention to treat addiction to the internet (e.g. the Capio Nightingale Hospital, the Priory). And the internet is not going away anytime soon.
And will young fans ever more proficient at using the internet be prepared to fork out hard-earned cash for products that are bound to be pirated as soon as they get released?
Predictions? Pop stars tend to have more staying power after death than other celebrities because of the potential to release unheard material. Actors have to 'be there' on set appear in new films, theatre being a de facto no-no (except for Oliver Reed in Gladiator, Heath Ledger in The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassusand Marlon Brando in Superman Returns); writers can be ghosted after death, but turn into franchises (witness Robert Ludlum, Virginia Andrews); fine artists' work is finite, but obscure and famous stuff excites auction houses and markets when it resurfaces to realise some wealthy person's investment; but dead musicians often have the potential to release original material for many years, albeit with diminishing returns on quality.
The more intense the perfectionism trait of a pop star, the higher the probability of there being a hoard of releasable stuff deemed too flawed to share publicly after the performer's death: this is a likely Michael Jackson scenario. Sony plan to release ten albums in the next seven years, some of which are bound to feature original material.
As for downloading songs illegally, yes there will billions of dollars leaking out of the system for any new releases. The jury is out, but evidence may suggested that persistent download freeloaders may also spend more money on products they really want. In the round, the Michael Jackson estate and Sony are unlikely to lose out as loyal fans will want to own full collections of material.
The new factor in this case is the degree to which people feel comfortable downloading pirate material of a recently dead icon. Will it feel like grave-robbing, a little tacky, to fans used to sampling music for free? My guess is probably not, as the 'music wants to be free' meme has held sway now since the heyday of Napster.
A player less talented than his hype, whose real skill was media manipulation, has failed to engineer an appearance at a fourth World Cup in succession. A plan to play Champions League football with A C Milan to showcase his availability has backfired with an Achilles heel injury, incurred ironically while trying to take a free kick, his trademark talent.
So Mr Beckham won't beat Peter Shilton's record number of caps, but the England national team probably won't be the weaker for it. In Italia 1990, forced to do without Bryan Robson (their talismanic skipper) England reached a semi-final and only lost on penalties to the Germans. Perhaps history will repeat itself, so long as Wayne Rooney stays upright for the next few months.
Science fiction? No, this is a real publicity drive punching a coach and horses through ethical worries about the sanctity of new life. This is bingo for babies: the winner cries 'House' and takes the DNA home.
Whether the initiative is banned or not it has succeeded in promoting its services. And it proves that people will always push against the boundaries of taste and decency to get noticed. We have gone from surrogate mothers to surrogate egg farmers in 25 years.
'Don't be evil' is Google's informal mantra, but it's getting more difficult to avoid criminal litigation when you are the size of the corporate giant.
So, what's the motivation? Jealous rival media owners spoiling for a fight?
This is the latest example of culture clash between 'internet as a space for free speech and free information' and 'internet as global marketplace'. Corporations fear losing control, and this trial signals the start of potential censorship of the internet, which may lead in dangerous directions.
The organisers speculated as to whether or not the wall had ever been lit up this way across its whole length before, given that Britain was never invaded successfully from the North.
Who knows?
The event shows how ancient monuments can be used to promote modern events.
What Hadrian himself would have made of the razzmatazz is anyone's guess. Perhaps he would have shipped the organisers off to Rome to be taught a lesson? Improper and insolent use of state fortifications may not have gone down well at all with the great man.
Mad dogs and Northern Irish women may go out for an early bath -- on water-skis in the English Channel -- but most locals would be content to watch her noble efforts from a distance on The One Show.
Miss Bleakley is the latest example of plucky Brits taking on eccentric challenges in the name of charity, or simply for the hell of it.
Maybe Canongate Books have got it right: they are apparently negotiating enhanced e-book rights on a title by title basis.
Illustrated-book contracts may also shine light on the subject, rather than heat it up: the royalty split between illustrator and author often depends on the importance of the respective art in any given project.
So picture-book contracts are weighted towards illustrators, whereas illustrated fiction titles are titled towards authors, with partnerships like Roald Dahl/Quentin Blake split more evenly.
The Shires are in uproar, but frankly I'd be worried if the hacks didn't know how to use social media networks effectively.
If the BBC simply churned out content without relating to where the audience may receive it, they would be writing a long and tortuous suicide note, contemplating the fate of the Shakers.
The row is best seen from the perspective of the complainers: criticism has been harshest from the Corporation's press rivals. The sub-text might be 'Why didn't we think of training our journalists on Facebook first?'
The Bookseller has released the shortlist for this year's Diagram Prize for oddest unintentional book title of the year. The candidates for this celebrated yet dubious honour are:
I have always thought this prize interesting yet somehow snarky: laughing behind hands at the implied silliness of the titles. How much more fascinating it would be to know the sales figures and the Amazon ranking of odd titles. Profitable oddity would be a cause really worth celebrating.
So how did the press react to the Phantom sequel musical? With the usual mix of savage apathy, gleeful spite and feigned disappointment, especially from online critics. But it it any good?
We'll only know once the hacks have gone home and the tourists start booking. In other words, once the paint has finally dried.
At least it's been a classic case of measuring the column inches rather than reading them. Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber will be delighted with the turn out.
The latest hamstring injury revolves around a new safety issue. The Collider currently operates at 7 trillion electron-volts, but is having to shut for a year in order to cope with twice that amount.
For a bunch of elite physicists, eminently bright, this lack of mathematical forecasting regarding the level of energy needed to recreate Big Bang conditions seems a little baffling.
Maybe the maths is developing at the same rate as the science? And, in the final analysis, will twelve months slip by before the boffins realise that 14 trillion electron-volts is not enough?
The current situation will go one of two ways, neither of which is good news for the likes of Tom Cruise and Nicolas Cage. Continuing use of unknowns to tell the story, rather than showcase the star and/or making stars out of the unknowns, say Carey Mulligan from An Education.
What exactly is a 'hurt locker'? An injured key? An incapacitated canal-worker? An emotional gaoler?
Apparently it is an American-English phrase meaning a place of pain, which I guess sums up being a bomb-disposal expert on any front line, not just Afghanistan and Iraq.
The problem with any release of accurate information about Mr Venables' recent return to prison, 17 years after his release with a new identity, is that it would render any future trial impossible. The rage since James Bulger's murder in 1993 has not diminished: any mob vengeance against Mr Venables would muddy the morality of the case and bring society down to the level of gangsteranarchy.
Meanwhile, newspapers seem to be printing what they like. The moment an editor goes to jail in the instant the public will know truth from rampant speculation.
I still have no idea why they needed three days to film the ad though, and the lights they used outside would have lit Wembley Stadium. It must have cost a fortune to make.
Presumably the Camel & Artichoke next door to the film location was simply a re-fueling pit-stop in getting ready for the next take.
I'm not sure this is equitable, but there is a huge row going on at the moment: Lord Ashcroft's peerage was contingent on him giving up his tax exile status and making significant contribution to the upper House, back in 2000. The crux of the row is that this did not happen.
Quite why this process would take three days on location beats me. How many times can you film two people meeting before 'love at first sight' starts to look like 'oh no, not you again'.
The leaders of the British political parties may be centre stage when it comes to appealing to voters to pick their their. But their wives provide a fascinating counterpoint.
David Cameron's wife, Samantha has a slightly higher profile. Her dress sense was commented on by Conservative conference delegates. She heads a de luxe fashion and stationery brand, Smythson of Bond Street. Both Camerons have ancestry leading to royalty.
Gordon Brown's wife, Sarah, may be a subtle yet telling asset to the current prime minister. She was previously a book publishing PR executive and, as the prime minister's wife, has forged a strong network of friends and acquaintances while promoting a number of charitable causes. In a strange way, it is as if Mr Brown is married to a expert media consultant: not exactly Maxine Clifford, but very savvy none-the-less.
My guess is that Sarah Brown is a very important voice in how the Labour party presents itself and, with the general election beckoning, her influence may be key.
I've no idea who would bake the best cookies, though, which is often a factor in US presidential elections.
With so much capital spent in the Chilcot Inquiry, will Mr Blair have anything new to say about his time in office ... and, if he goes on a walkabout publicity tour, will people allow him to say it?
This annual event of generic promotion has morphed in Britain as an opportunity to flog books to children: mentally and materially.
Prior to 1997, there was no concerted event around which the book trade -- publishers, booksellers, libraries and educators -- could coalesce. I know, I was one of the voices advocating such an event (through the channel of the ginger group, Booksn), and was a founder member of the steering committee for World Book Day.
Some publishing companies get serially taken over more often than Portsmouth FC.
Letts is one such case. This list of revision guides and national curriculum aids started life as the education department of Charles Letts & Co. Ltd, the diary people: I know, I was there as an editor.
The pass-the-parcel dance started in 1991, with a sell-off to BPP: the list became Letts Educational. From there, on to Granada Media in 1999; then to Huveaux in 2006; and now to HarperCollins, in ever decreasing circles. The imprint sold for £28m in 1999, £12m in 2006, and £10m in 2010.
So why the decreasing price? Educational publishing is going through a tough phase. Letts is an established brand name, but revision guides face completion from digital products and from access to national curriculum materials in a world where exclusivity in contracts is becoming more important. The Government has preferred partners.
What's in it for HarperCollins? Synergy, and safety in numbers: together, the educational brands will be stronger, and costs will be cut. It's no surprise to imagine that various heads will roll: they always do when publishing imprints and/or companies merge.
: speculation that the 
by Daina Taimina (see also earlier post, 
, as one will be in traction.
got there years ago, although a 21st-century remake would be unlikely to be so demure.
by James A Yannes;
by D W T Crompton;
by Ronald C Arkin;
by Ellen Scherl and Marla Dubinsky;
by Tara Jansen-Meyer.
