For those tip-of-the-tongue moments when you're surfing the Zeitgeist but can't quite remember where you are, here is malapropism for the 21st-century. Compiled by Christopher Norris. All views expressed are my own
Voters have strong views about immigration, like the lady in Rochdale, but sometimes the public's instinct for a policy is not the real picture. This is one reason why we elect politicians, to investigate problems and make informed decisions.
On the other hand, the public will be making the ultimate decision next Thursday in polling booths around the country.
This is why Ken Livingstone, his predecessor in the job, tried to muscle in on the postponed launch a few weeks ago.
This is the easy bit for Mr Johnson. The tricky part will be to deliver Crossrail and the remaining portion of the East London orbital line from Surrey Quays to Clapham Junction without cutting existing services (e.g. the London Bridge to Victoria route).
Do pop icons have a shelf life? The short answer is 'yes' if they don't re-invent themselves.
After her lacklustre performance at the O2, Whitney Houston has some work to do: she can either choose the Andy Williams route of performing in her own theatre; she can go the way of Shirley Bassey and collaborate with younger acolytes; she can hone her own repertoire until it comes back into fashion, like Tony Bennett; or she can try to compete with time with multiple image changes in the style of Madonna,
My guess is that she may not have the inclination or the energy to carry on as a world icon on the same level. But maybe she doesn't have the temperament to sit around at home counting her money.
There'll always be a Lady Gaga coming along to be the next big thing, so Whitney Houston may as well accept her limitations, identify her strengths and play to them.
After winning six world titles before 1989, Steve Davis has done practically nothing in the sport since, while expanding his horizons into chess, poker and television commentary on snooker.
Some people, like volcanoes, can have their talent lay dormant for years until some unexplained moment when their skill and experience erupt into a new event.
Mary Wesley famously churned out unpublished novels up until her 70th year when finally her public career was launched with a bestseller. Thereafter she wrote a novel a year to huge readerships for the next two decades.
Pablo Picasso kept painting through his various periods from the beginning of his career as a young cubist until the end of his long life in 1973.
What keep the critics occupied is comparing talented people against their own skill at various points in their lives. The greatest geniuses may be those people who expertise is equally celebrated at all points of the lives.
Posing as 'Historian' when reviewing works of history on Amazon, he raved about his own books and trashed his rivals' work, including Robert Service's biography of Leon Trotsky.
This may be seen initially as trivial, as playground antics, but when his rivals smelt a rat, Mr Figes instructed his lawyers to sue for libel in an attempt to smother their reaction. This tactic backfired when he was forced after a fortnight of posturing to admit his authorship of the caustic reviews.
Such behaviour goes down like Agent Orange in the academic world. Mr Figes is unfortunate in that the extremes of his behaviour will serve as a warning and a case study to other authors similarly tempted to bash competitors' books.
In an increasingly wired world, online reviews can matter: as Mr Service has said, 'there is such a thing as negative publicity' as sales of his book did not benefit from a 'dead-cat bounce' from curious readers wondering if the criticism was over the top. In other words, during the two-week siege, sales of Mr Service's book tanked.
Hmm. If wonder if the lawyers will now pursue Mr Figes, who is now on compassionate leave of ill-health grounds from his post at Birkbeck University?
Why? Any smaller than this and the 3D effect simply isn't noticed.
3D television programming may be great for communal sports fandom in pubs and clubs shown on large screens, but it will be a big shift in family life for everyone to wear tinted glasses gathered around smaller sets.
Social behaviour around 3D television may change: as ever, the medium is the message.
On to Lumen this evening, for the ACG leg of guitarist Jason Carter's British tour. Awesome. Jason has taken his art further than ever with his harp guitar.
John F Kennedy was a talented golfer who dare not be photographed on a course lest he be thought not be be working at the coal face of the Cold War.
Barack Obama is happy to be snapped over a putter (32 times since his inauguration and counting) to demonstrate his control over his work:life balance.
Attitudes to golfing habits of presidents shows how public attitudes have changed over the last fifty years.
Who knows? But you can now download your own 'Nick is Barack', 'Clegg is Churchill' and 'Nick is Che' posters from the web. The blogosphere news cycle is spinning at warp speed, but the froth of a new-kid-on-the-block story solidify from exuberant pastiche to solid change in the next few days.
Someday in the distant future there will be a bestselling, warts-and-all biography on the life and times of Oprah Winfrey. But 'distant future' is the defining phrase here, even as arch-reputation puncturer Kitty Kelley's book hits the stores.
When this mortal coil forces Ms Winfrey beyond the reach of her lawyers, publishers will finally have a field day. Protective shields around stars create mystery that the media loves to destroy. The second law of thermodynamics applies to celebrities too: the entropy of the universe of gossip is always increasing.
What it the boot was on the other foot? Padded jockstraps for 8-year-old, t-shirts with slogans like Future Pimp, and home gyms for toddlers to hone their six-packs? I think not.
And thank goodness the stereotypes haven't veered into race relations.
There will always be a market for tacky, insensitive merchandise. Sometimes the public needs to be protected against itself.
The latest poll after the debate, albeit a survey of mobile texters: Conservatives 33 per cent (248 seats); Liberal Democrats 30 per cent (101 seats); Labour 28 per cent (272 seats); Others 9 per cent (29 seats).
Nick Clegg may say, in a future debate [delete as applicable]: 'David/Gordon, I served with Charles Kennedy, I knew Charles Kennedy, Charles Kennedy was a friend of mine. David/Gordon, you're no Charles Kennedy.'
But this is, for the moment, heady froth after a successful Clegg debate performance. The interesting test will be what the polls say in a few days' time, the next official sample being published on Sunday.
How do you keep the first televised election debate in the UK between Prime Ministerial candidates off everyone's lips?
Arrange for a volcano to erupt in Iceland, creating a dust cloud sufficiently large and treacherous to down every aeroplane in Britain today and for the foreseeable future. Geology succeeded where UNITE failed.
Joking apart, the travel chaos proves that life doesn't stop for political PR and that planet Earth is ultimately in control.
Does anyone actually want the extra responsibility of voting in new police officers, sacking incompetent teachers, running schools, or firing the local MP? One top of doing your own job? The only people with the time or inclination to do this will be rich socialites with right-wing agendas. And who decides the criteria with which standards can be judged?
The talkshow/comedy host is writing a comic-book miniseries called Turf, with illustrator Tommy Lee Edwards, perhaps already optioned by director Matthew Vaughn to follow up his cut hit Kick-Ass.
Mr Ross confesses to the Guardian his need to be a creative for once, rather than riffing off guests or documentary subjects. Perhaps he'll follow in his wife's footsteps and be a scriptwriter for a while, using his television schtick to fund his vanity projects?
There are precedents ... Russell Brand, Mr Ross' evil twin, is forging a career as an actor in Hollywood; and Kevin Spacey acts in Hollywood movies in part to support his work as artistic director at the Old Vic.
This seems like a great idea for growing new ideas and, perhaps, business ventures. Maybe there is some talent you would like to express that you haven't had the chance to air? For the fee of $5, you can learn on the job to some extent, as clients won't begrudge blowing such a small amount on commissioned work. And some interesting contacts might be made.
An antidote to people's media sensitisation towards violence is been tried with success in Merseyside schools by the charity Support After Murder and Manslaughter (SAMM).
And the result? Kids are realising that comic-book violence is not real; in life acts and behaviours have consequences. And they report being disgusted by the stills.
Perhaps there is hope in clawing back civil society from the clutches of glamourised, depersonalised media violence.
The odds on William and Kate tying the knot in 2010 have slashed, on the supposition of media stories and the fantasies of a bored nation. But punts like this can sometimes hit the mark.
The bookies must be wondering if the public have taken a liking to their proverbial shirts.
The parties need to take care in an internet age of claiming disaffected voters are actually supportive of their policies. We live in a fragmented world of opinion.
The paparazzi agency may either be shooting itself in the foot or encouraging a new source of material: I can't decide, and it's probably a close run thing.
Celebrity venues will get even more exclusive in an attempt to keep out the 'civilians'.
Stars will still be able to wander the street incognito if they dress down sufficiently and don't court publicity.
The symbolism? Brown has a 'team to return him as Prime Minister'; Cameron wants to 'hide his team in his ambition to be Prime Minister'; Nick Clegg wants to 'show off Vince Cable as a potential Chancellor of the Exchequer'.
So it's a month of kissing babies, having cups of tea in semi-detached houses, and being hijacked by hecklers of opposite party hues. And come 6 May 2010, all this effort will boil down to a few dozen key marginals and the need for the Conservatives to gain a national swing of 6.9 per cent.
Fast-forward all the debate, play the odd gaffe in real time (and on YouTube), read the odd policy that relates directly to your material wealth, and moan in the pub over the odd pint, and the real world will soon hove into view once more on 7 May 2010 (or at least once the hung parliament coalition has been negotiated).
Conundrum: how to convince the world's media and football stars that the forthcoming World Cup will run like clockwork without a backcloth of bullets and bombs?
Prediction time: David Tennant won't be featuring on British television until Matt Smith is firmly established as the new incarnation of Doctor Who. And, when he does, it will be in a radically different role.
Similar events in association football (e.g. the early years of the FA Cup), in rugby (e.g. the Barbarians scratch sides playing pseudo-internationals) and cricket (e.g. annually challenges between Eton and Harrow, and the Gentlemen versus Players) have either bitten the dust or lost much of their original national prestige or amateur status). Varsity matches between Oxford and Cambridge continue in various sports, but without international recognition.
The Boat Race is unique in retaining the spirit of a bygone Victorian era well into the 21st century.
Perhaps this is a sophisticated polling ploy to find out if this approach might actually work? Would this be a poster that wouldn't get defaced on the internet?
There will now follow a period of vicious ranting and name-calling on blogs and in the press, including speculation about whether the sculpture merits planning permission. A lengthy row about the waste of public funds will morph into resigned indifference.
