Sanus et lumen

The emperor Hadrian's ashes may be spinning in his mausoleum. His wall to mark out the edge of the Roman Empire in Britain was lit up with beacons to promote British tourism.

The organisers speculated as to whether or not the wall had ever been lit up this way across its whole length before, given that Britain was never invaded successfully from the North.

Who knows?

The event shows how ancient monuments can be used to promote modern events.

• Stonehenge to advertise the Olympics?
• Offa's Dyke to promote England playing Wales at rugby union at the Millennium Stadium?
• Sutton Hoo to market the Round-the-World yacht race?

What Hadrian himself would have made of the razzmatazz is anyone's guess. Perhaps he would have shipped the organisers off to Rome to be taught a lesson? Improper and insolent use of state fortifications may not have gone down well at all with the great man.


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Sport Relief ... when it's over

Couch potatoes everywhere salute the crazy achievement of Christine Bleakley with a toast of 'Thank God that wasn't me'.

Mad dogs and Northern Irish women may go out for an early bath -- on water-skis in the English Channel -- but most locals would be content to watch her noble efforts from a distance on The One Show.

Miss Bleakley is the latest example of plucky Brits taking on eccentric challenges in the name of charity, or simply for the hell of it.

Sport Relief is a peculiarly British good cause.

Beyond the book

When is an e-book not an e-book? Possibly when its enhanced with video, audio, music and social media networking possibilities.

In the red corner, publishers say added extra to electronic texts are publishing rights; in the blue corner, agents claim enhanced e-books are a new medium that may best be sold to film companies or record labels.

Who said media convergence would run smoothly?

Maybe Canongate Books have got it right: they are apparently negotiating enhanced e-book rights on a title by title basis.

Illustrated-book contracts may also shine light on the subject, rather than heat it up: the royalty split between illustrator and author often depends on the importance of the respective art in any given project.

So picture-book contracts are weighted towards illustrators, whereas illustrated fiction titles are titled towards authors, with partnerships like Roald Dahl/Quentin Blake split more evenly.

The Death of Bunny Munro: A Novel (Hardcover)

Making the Web Work for the BBC

Shock, horror. The BBC has been training its journalists in how to use Facebook effectively in its Making the Web Work for You campaign.

The Shires are in uproar, but frankly I'd be worried if the hacks didn't know how to use social media networks effectively.

If the BBC simply churned out content without relating to where the audience may receive it, they would be writing a long and tortuous suicide note, contemplating the fate of the Shakers.

The row is best seen from the perspective of the complainers: criticism has been harshest from the Corporation's press rivals. The sub-text might be 'Why didn't we think of training our journalists on Facebook first?'

Centre-stage fold

There's news in the press that the Royal Opera House wants to stage a musical based on the life and times of Anna Nicole Smith. Possible titles might be:

• Play it again, Hugh;
• Bunny in the money;
• Sex, Drugs and Viagra;
• Show me the dough.

All of which will fuel speculation about the next 'starlet' off the cab rank for such treatment and expansion of the brand. Agents acting for the likes of Paris Hilton, Kerry Katona and Katie Price will be watching the space with interest.

But Gypsy Rose Lee got there years ago, although a 21st-century remake would be unlikely to be so demure.

Search Amazon.com for anna nicole smith

The importance of being odd

The Bookseller has released the shortlist for this year's Diagram Prize for oddest unintentional book title of the year. The candidates for this celebrated yet dubious honour are:

• Collectible Spoons of the Third Reich by James A Yannes;
• Afterthoughts of a Worm Hunter by D W T Crompton;
• Governing Lethal Behavior in Autonomous Robots by Ronald C Arkin;
• The Changing World of Inflammatory Bowel Disease by Ellen Scherl and Marla Dubinsky;
• Crocheting Adventures with Hyperbolic Planes by Daina Taimina; and
• What Kind of Bean is this Chihuahua? by Tara Jansen-Meyer.

I have always thought this prize interesting yet somehow snarky: laughing behind hands at the implied silliness of the titles. How much more fascinating it would be to know the sales figures and the Amazon ranking of odd titles. Profitable oddity would be a cause really worth celebrating.

Lord Never Diets: notes on a premiere

Love Never Dies is a bit too vague a title for me: it sounds like the name of the next Bond movie.

So how did the press react to the Phantom sequel musical? With the usual mix of savage apathy, gleeful spite and feigned disappointment, especially from online critics. But it it any good?

We'll only know once the hacks have gone home and the tourists start booking. In other words, once the paint has finally dried.

At least it's been a classic case of measuring the column inches rather than reading them. Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber will be delighted with the turn out.

Non-contact Collider

The Large Hadron Collider under Geneva is turning out to have a fitness record worse than Michael Owen's.

The latest hamstring injury revolves around a new safety issue. The Collider currently operates at 7 trillion electron-volts, but is having to shut for a year in order to cope with twice that amount.

For a bunch of elite physicists, eminently bright, this lack of mathematical forecasting regarding the level of energy needed to recreate Big Bang conditions seems a little baffling.

Maybe the maths is developing at the same rate as the science? And, in the final analysis, will twelve months slip by before the boffins realise that 14 trillion electron-volts is not enough?

Search Amazon.com for Large Hadron Collider

Star-gazing in Hollywood

Recent successful movies have highlighted two Hollywood trends that are diverging.

First, there is the Marlon Brando effect: mega-expensive cameos, like the recent 'effort' from Julia Roberts in Valentine's Day at $3 million for six minutes.

Second, there is the 'who he?' law: leading roles for unknown actors, like Sam Worthington in Avatar and Jeremy Renner in The Hurt Locker.

The current situation will go one of two ways, neither of which is good news for the likes of Tom Cruise and Nicolas Cage. Continuing use of unknowns to tell the story, rather than showcase the star and/or making stars out of the unknowns, say Carey Mulligan from An Education.

So the major stars may have to smoke pipes and wear slippers in their Sunset Boulevard mansions for the foreseeable future.

And the Oscar goes to ... The Wounded Cabinet

The Hurt Locker may have won oodles of Oscars, but the title makes no sense across this side of the pond.

What exactly is a 'hurt locker'? An injured key? An incapacitated canal-worker? An emotional gaoler?

Apparently it is an American-English phrase meaning a place of pain, which I guess sums up being a bomb-disposal expert on any front line, not just Afghanistan and Iraq.